To be and let be…

When I was a first time mom I tried and did a lot with my little one. I insisted on many things. I pushed myself to try to be the best mom possible. I sat with books and puzzles with my little one. I took pride when he spoke over a 150 words before he turned one. No regrets.  And then came my second one.  Everything changed. By then my older was old enough to be independently do a lot of things. He helped with the baby a lot and the bond between them grew. 

However, as time went by I began to ponder about my parenting styles and realized that I didn’t really do the same things with my second one. Lack of time would be something I have to say only to console myself.  It was more the fact that I couldn’t wrap my head around the innumerable small health issues that surrounded my younger one and so I was scrambled most of the time. In the process I never realized that child that was growing, was a child that was growing on his own, without being really taught.  

When I took a step back to observe this child I was stumped by what I saw. At three, his maturity trumped that of an adult. I watched one day as he narrated to his doctor about the number of things he is not ‘allowed’ to eat, thanks to his special diet. The doctor couldn’t stop shaking her head with a big grin as my three year old rattled off “wheat, gluten, chocolate, sugar, soy” and he sank back into silence wondering what he had missed.  He categorically told someone who didn’t know about his health and offered him a slice of pizza, “That has gluten, and I am not allowed to eat it”. I realized every word that he spoke was all that he had gathered from my conversations with others. Huh? 

I took a further step back and took a larger look at his life. I realized he has learned everything on his own. I never sat with him to do a puzzle or a game. He played for hours by himself.  He didn’t ‘need’ me to entertain him. He was content.  When moms would complain about their children being naughty and misbehaving and having tantrums, I would be lost because I don’t know what that means. He figured things out himself, while I was busy figuring out what is wrong with his health. 

Darn, I get it now…. I cannot take ownership for anything about this child because what he is, is what he made of himself. For the first time, I really get what it means “to be and let be”

UN-GURU-ING THE GURU !

Am becoming a master at creating new terminologies for the dictionary ! Hip hip hurray !!!

As any mother is, I am super proud of my two children. However, what I am proud of is not their accomplishments, instead how they are so uncannily normal, average… A perfect average –  a term that I recently learned from a cute movie. As parents, we all strive to give our children the best. The definition of best is truly subjective because each one of us has a different perspective on this and often our own baggage has a  lot to do with the way we raise children. What I have realized is that in the name of “teaching” them right things or guiding them in the right manner, what we end up doing is completely the opposite. When we take a closer look at children, we realize how a Guru is actually inside of every child – someone who completely loves unconditionally, trusts every one, lives in the moment and has no expectations in return.  However, as adults we need to learn the art of doing these very acts, through yoga, meditation, seeking within and blah blah…  What a shame that we as adults see the need to “teach” children… what do we end up teaching them anyways ? How to be careful of strangers – translating to don’t trust anyone.  How to live in the past – translating to remember all your past mistakes. How to live in the future – translating to don’t live in the moment. And then when they are at a certain age, we want them to go back and do exactly what they unlearned – love, trust, harmony… Yikes….

The more I look at my children, the more I realize how much I learn from them.  A simple lesson for me today from my 6 year old was how to plan and execute. On his own accord, last night he said he wanted to clean out his closet. This morning he woke up, brushed, showered and did exactly what he had planned last night. His closet now looks better than any other in the whole house. He left me wondering……. What the hell am “I” trying to “teach” him ???? My guru are my children.