Perception !

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what “disappointment” is. It is more and more evident that disappointment stems from expectations… whether it is people or situations…. We live our lives believing in Theory  – Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. This is statement is absolutely true. However, the twist to this is that perceived reaction and actual reaction are many a time poles apart from one another.  Although a struggle, I now analyze every situation in my life and “try” to understand why certain things happen in a certain way. The answer seems to be so clear…. I can only control what “I” have control over…. I can control my reactions to a situation, not the response of another person involved in the same situation. With this realization, my internal conflict is a lot lesser because I am not spending my time analyzing why another person reacted the way he / she did. This has given me so much more courage. And then I wonder about all those moments in life when I have brooded and cried over people who have either hurt me or walked away from me. If only I had this understanding of life then…..

Yet another realization is how I am perceived…. I am perceived a certain way through my interactions with people. There is perhaps a lot of truth to that perception, however, is that “perceived me” really the “real me”??? Its an interesting question. I do realize that there is a link lost between the two on many occasions. There used to be a time when it bothered me when someone said “I didn’t expect this of you”. A statement like that comes from the other person’s perception of me. In the past, I have tried really hard to “live up to expectations”. But now I have reached a stage where I am able to stand up and say “You know what. Am sorry you didn’t expect it of me. But it is what it is”. I am not making this statement in arrogance. I am saying… I am conscious of my actions and words. Should they cause unintentional harm, I am sorry because the truth is that the harm is truly un-intentional. However, that does not mean  I am willing to change because another person “expects” me to change. Fundamentally I believe that change has to come from within. External factors may contribute to internal change, but if change is forced, then the outcome is often not so desirable…..

Bottom line : Go figure.. No idea…. Am still trying to figure it out too !!! 🙂